Pantera Smurf, Magician Smurf and watermelon


It had been a long day for the sisters by 4pm.  Our hangovers were just now subsiding and it was time to get out and enjoy the overcast day.  We started out with a lovely little wine bar, and not feeling particularly inspired as to what to do on the 4th of July, we bought some gelato and did a walk around the block.  We came upon a hotel with a rooftop bar and decided that it would be as good a place as any to watch some exploding gunpowder.  We found an empty cabana, grabbed a few beers and sat down.  Let me clarify, the table in front of us was not empty, it contained a bowl of watermelon slices and a bowl of half-eaten cookies.

"How much you wanna bet this is gonna be eaten before the end of the night?" asked Barbara.
"Oh, someone will definitely get drunk enough to eat it, that's a non-issue," yawned Hanna.
"But, which ONE will be eaten first?  The delicious, untouched watermelon?! Eh?  OR the chunky chocolate chip cookies with bites taken out of them?"
"I'm gonna have to go with the watermelon."
"We'll see."

Just then a few guys in oversized sweatshirts smiled sheepishly and brought over a pink colored drink which they offered to Barbara.  Now, we don't expect that men buy us drinks, even though it is a very nice gesture.  HOWEVER, when there are just two girls sitting together and it's still light outside, I think it's pretty obvious that you buy both girls a drink!  Anyhow, one particular guy was extremely shy but totally mesmerized by Barbara.  He would not leave her alone and what was worse was that she was actually entertaining his flacid personality.  "I'm waiting for him to come out of his shell.  I keep asking him questions and he only agrees with what I say."  There was nothing outside of "I've been abducted by aliens" that could have made this guy interesting.  And when we finally asked him what his favorite band is, he not only couldn't come up with one, but when we asked for the top 3 the first word out of his mouth was "Pantera".  Boring.  Now I totally understand why you're wearing a huge blue hoodie and outdated jeans, because you're still living in the 90's.  However, Barbara was still giving this loser the benefit of the doubt.  Hanna's the only one who's heartless.

Speaking of which, she was sitting off to one side of the cabana now not drinking for fear of falling asleep.  She was greeted by another man who was very into himself, despite being a friend of Pantera.  Come on guys, when you rock out with a loser it doesn't speak very highly of the rest of the crew, especially when they're the first one to hit on a girl outside your group.  Let the charismatic ones make connections, then let the others be wingmen.  That's the evolutionary order of things.  So this guy decides to chat up Hanna who indulges him because it's more entertaining than falling asleep.  Now, sarcasm is Hanna's MO, so she really puts this guy through the ringer and he does surprisingly well.  She asks him what he does for a living (yes, that is an acceptable question) and he leans over and tells her, straight-faced with a twinkle in his eye "I do MAGIC".  Really?!  Barbara leans over and asks with a smirk on her face, "Do you have one of those t-shirts that says you're HUGE in Japan?" To which Magician smurf replies matter-of-factly, "I don't need one because it's true."

At this precise moment, as Pantera smurf has been left unattended for a mere 5 seconds, he leans over and takes a cookie from the table and offers it to his other friends and proceeds to take a bite out of it.

"You win!" whispers Hanna.  "Can we please go now?  We got the lamest guy eating herpies infested cookies over here and then the magician who I'm sure could conjure up some roofies if we stay around here long enough."
"Yes, but how do we escape?"
"Fireworks are starting, but they block our exit.  There has to be a fire exit around here somewhere.  You go to the bathroom over there and if you don't come back in 30 seconds I'm leaving too."

So Barbara left, soon followed by Hanna who was almost intercepted by Pantera.  She did a swim move though, and skipped away down the fire escape.  When she reached the bottom she didn't see Barbara but received a text- "Karma's a bitch.  I slipped down the staircase and my leg got caught under me and my heel got caught in my underwear."  Yes Barbara, Karma is a bitch.

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