David Hasselhoff Smurf

HANNA

When you work with someone, it's inevitable that you will eventually see the highlights and lowlights of his life through some odd moment when he doesn't think you're paying attention. See, I have begun to learn that smurfs who share workspace with a woman feel that they are somehow closer to that woman. Maybe it's because in most workplaces you get to see the true colors of a person when they are sick, stressed, elated, shattered... the list goes on. But always this sort of attitude makes smurfs feel empowered to hit on a woman after an undetermined period of time has passed. Thus, my story:

After work I went to a bar with a few coworkers. Now, this smurf has been slipping in little comments here and there at work that make me pretty aware of the fact that this period of staking me out has made smurf feel empowered. I decided to mix in a bit of alcohol and a fun atmosphere to get the chance to see how he really feels, (I know, I'm a glutton for punishment). Well, at the bar we were a group of four- me, a smurfette and 2 smurfs- indulging in beer and shots (yes, I am getting a little old for that) and this smurf's amorous nature starts to come out. We find a mask on a popcicle stick in the bar which happens to be the face of David Hasselhoff. That mask was the best idea for a talk-piece at a bar (I found out later from the bartenders that they just put them all over the bar to see the reactions of the patrons). So this smurf wears the mask, and he has a blast flirting with me and the other smurfette. No skin off my back, but then he starts to try and kiss both of us at sporadic times. Now, I don't really know why he thinks that it's ok to be polyamorous at with two coworkers in the same setting, but he is determined. I shrug off his efforts, but smurfette indulges in her less-than-coherent state. The night continues to a local's loft and we drink a bit more, and smurf is not giving up on either of us. Again, I brush him off (I still have to work with him) and I move to the next room. A few moments later after distinct spit-swapping sounds and giggles, I hear the rhythmic creaking of the living room couch. Thanks for lulling me to sleep, assholes.

But oh, it gets better. After that day I have been asked out no fewer than 3 times from this exact same smurf. Apparently one workplace hook-up just wasn't enough. Now I know that you deserve the title of The HOFF Smurf... the comparative douchebaggery is astounding.

One week, Two Gentle-Smurfs

HANNA

Now, I have been spending a awful lot of time chatting about smurfs who goof up. And I have plenty more of those stories to share, but let me just reflect upon some gentle-smurfs who I met this week. That's right, I'm taking a moment out of my day to say that not only is chivalry alive, but that I'm impressed.

I should first clarify that both of the smurfs I'm about to mention I found online. I don't know if any of the rest of you had any doubts about it as I have, but I found two NICE smurfs the first go. Since two is hardly enough smurfs to create an accurate statistic I am not going to make any claims that this is the norm or even a trend, but maybe, just maybe there is something to this whole concept of "asking for what you want" online.

Both gentle-smurfs were excellent conversationalists, they listened to my stories as intently as I listened to theirs, and they had pleasant dispositions. I was impressed. However, I didn't feel that chemical spark as I would have liked to. I mean, I would happily become friends with either or both, but I don't think that we're all online to find new friends, are we? Still, I have renewed my faith in men at just the right time. It seems that I am finally ready to fall in love.