Michael Buble Smurf

HANNA

I met a guy at a friend's party and he found me on facebook the next day so that he could ask me out.  He had recently received his PhD and was interested in going back to law school.  Now, I LOVE the smarties, and couldn't wait to pick this guy's brain so I readily accepted his offer to have some beers at a local brewery.  After it took him 45 minutes to get ready (I assured him I wasn't going to get pretty for him) he picked me up in his huge SUV (can we say overcompensation?) and opened the door for me where good ole Michael Buble pumped from his speakers.  Really now, I'm glad that you're in touch with your feminine side, but this juxtaposition of manly meets wussy was already too much to handle.  BUT I went with him for drinks... well, I should say I had two drinks, he had one.  He talked about himself more than he should and then explained that he wasn't going to have anymore to drink because he didn't want to drive under the influence.  Fair enough, but we were there for two hours.  I'm pretty sure he could have had another one.  But I'm almost an alcoholic, so I guess I can't blame him for being responsible.

We left the brewery and he was heading to my place to drop me off when he surprised me by wanting another drink.  "Some where in your neighborhood" he told me.  Now, some of you might think that this is a bit diabolical, but I assure you that I told MB Smurf exactly what he was getting into.  I took him to the local gay bar.  In fact, there are usually transvestites there as well.  It's a local watering hole with pool and karaoke and, of course, lots of people watching.  So yes, I told him where we were going and he agreed.  Throughout our adventure there he kept moving closer and closer to me as more men eyed Buble.  I think the thing that put him over the top though, was when the two trannies in nun habits with disco make-up on, came up to him with leather whips asking him if he'd been naughty or nice.  Now I thought this was hysterical, but he was ready to leave.  He was wrapped so tightly around me I practically had to carry him out.  And I did smile in some respects, because he did survive and was a good sport about it.  Not that this was enough to win back any points with me, but I had more respect for him.

He brought me back home and couldn't find parking by my apt, so he just left his car running in someone else's driveway as he walked me to my door... then into my apt... then tried to get hot and heavy with me... WHILE HIS CAR WAS RUNNING.  Boring.  I kindly declined and sent him back to that gas guzzler outside pumping out reinvented rat pack standards.

Moral of the story: Even if you put a guy through hell during a date with the intention of just making him squirm, he will still try and get you naked.  Perhaps my hints weren't subtle enough...